You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!