And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
