i love accidental penises.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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