names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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