your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
