Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
