Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
