Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize