and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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