I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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