She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
