Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
