Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
