so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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