No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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