so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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