I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
