Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
