I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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