The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
