New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
