i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
