the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
