you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize