if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
