I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
