I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
