I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
