I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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