I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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