I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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