I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
