when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
