I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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