My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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