My hand turned me down
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
