Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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