Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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