My hand turned me down
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
