I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
