I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just had sex on a roof
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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