names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
