I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
