The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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