She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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