I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
