new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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