Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
