I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
