I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
