They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just gift wrapped bread.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
