My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
