And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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