...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
