a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
