Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
