Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
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