My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
