Hey man sorry I got all grabby
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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