so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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