you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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