you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
