Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
