So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize