This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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