The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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