Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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