im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just invented taco cereal.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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