Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
