Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
