I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
