if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
