I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
